Perspective

There's nothing like a change in situation to kick you in the rear and challenge everything you thought you knew. This sounds quite dramatic and as if I am going through something life changing, which isn't exactly accurate, but the sentiment remains.

The last several weeks have been challenging and tiring. As I shared a couple of weeks ago, Brandon is working a second shift, which means he works from 6 PM to 6 AM. Adding in the 30-45 minute commute, he is gone from 5:15 in the evening to almost 7 each morning. Since I get home around 6 and leave the house by (approximately) 7:30 each day, that's 30-45 minutes that we see each other every week day. As a result, it is generally my responsibility each night to: prepare dinner, get everyone fed and bathed and off to bed (with a varying number of stories read each night), clean the kitchen and all bottles etc, and prepare lunches and food for the following day. Sometimes I also fold laundry and pick up the play room.

I must hope that I can keep both children content long enough when we get home to get dinner on their plates before they begin to wail and gnash their teeth. I must hope that I can manage to eat my own dinner (hot is just a bonus) while supervising two children during meal time and helping each in turn with their food. I must hope that both children cooperate during the evening routine and that I am able to lay Ellen down to sleep before attempting to get Ian to bed. I must hope that I don't fall asleep while putting Ian to bed, waking with bleary eyes and dried out contacts, only to have to go through the kitchen routine before I can allow myself the pleasure of sinking into bed. Then the next morning, I must also hope that I can manage to wake myself up in time to get ready before either of the children wake up, demanding breakfast. In the moment, it can feel unmanageable and unfair, and I find myself grumbling under my breath (why under my breath when there doesn't seem to be anyone there to hear it?) quite often.

Before you start sobbing too much on my behalf, I must say that the account above is the most ungrateful and selfish of my thoughts, giving absolutely no credit to my wonderful house elf, er, husband.  At my best, I am able to remember with thankfulness all of the things he does for our family during the day (not to mention the 12 hours he puts in at work each night).  He stays up all night on Sunday (so that he can sleep on Monday during the day before going to work) and cleans the kitchen, random parts of the house, goes to the grocery store (he now knows that it is open until 1 am!), and gets us out the door on Monday mornings. He takes care of many other trivial chores that must be done each day/week - trash collection, getting the mail, paying bills, evaluating the budget. He sometimes starts dinner in a slow cooker and it is ready when I walk in the door that evening. Often, he pre-measures ingredients and gets out all of the cooking utensils and paraphernalia that I will need to prepare dinner. Yes, I have a lot to do, but I also have the freedom to just take care of the dishes that *must* be done each day (i.e. bottles) and leave the rest for Brandon to tidy when he gets home. I have the opportunity to enjoy quite a bit of alone time, which I actually crave. My account sounds quite long-suffering, but in reality I have been able to read several books, watch a couple of TV series on Netflix/online (I HEART DOWNTON ABBEY), and do some photo editing and sorting in the last several weeks. At the beginning of the year, I set quite a few specific goals about house-cleaning and various hobbies. It has been easy to blow them off, claiming that I have no time/energy to take care of those things. While that is partially true, I can also see how easy it is to find an excuse not to do something that isn't a number one priority. The reality is that I do have some time to burn, but I keep choosing to do things that are easy and passive (reading, watching TV), instead of challenging and active.

The last few weeks have given me a glimpse into the life of a single parent, and I must say that I am exceptionally grateful that this schedule is only temporary for my family. Suffice it to say that while slightly taxing, my current situation is just a shadow of what "real" single parents go through each day. I have the utmost respect for single parents who manage to have a full life of their own despite the obvious time management challenges, accomplishing additional schooling, extra activities, a clean house, and fulfilling relationships. Their strength is admirable at its lowest point and astonishing at its highest. I hope that my (temporary) experience as a (semi) single parent will allow me to view others in new light, offering understanding and grace instead of judgment, no matter their situation.